i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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