Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
