You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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