Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
