took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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