Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
