I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
