she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
