she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
