Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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