I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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