Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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