Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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