yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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