I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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