Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize