it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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