u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
