Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
