quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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