Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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