you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
