We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
