Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cannot find my penis.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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