Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
