when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
