It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
