She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
