The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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