Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
