I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
