ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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