I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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