I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
