She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im holly from the hills drunk
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
