But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
