You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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