They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
