No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
