That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
