i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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