They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
