i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize