my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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