We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
