remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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