rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Mom said you looked used
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
