My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
