wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
