its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
