What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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