I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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