I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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