I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
