Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
