I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
