So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
