he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
