I just pynch a tree in the face
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
