I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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