Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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