capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize