I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize