ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
