Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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