so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
