When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize