I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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