my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
