I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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