I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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