we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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