they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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