I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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